A hectic life.

Rehearsal sudah sampai ke penghujung nye. Sbb GSA da pun bermula kan. Tapi bila da makin dekat biasalah, rehearsal smakin mejd2 la...sampai kul 2 pun yer. Dah la aku sampai umah jam 3am..pastu nak mandi la apa la..haish. Now its over. Alhamdulillah.

Hasil selepas 2 minggu tdo kul 5pg and bgn pg untuk masuk opis??

Skrg aku sakit badan dan lenguh2. Belum dgn mata mcm panda...concealer cover baik punya... Nasib baik td kak cilek urutkan bdn. Lega rasa.

Emm..lega GSA da habis..sbb lepas ni da leh keje 9-5pm. Best.

Fazrozen br je aku hantar balik Palong. Alhamdulillah semuanya selamat. Sekarang dia duduk dgn mak dia. Eloklah tu.

Hmm. At this moment, I cant sleep. Sbb nye. Da tido kejap pastu terjaga. Haish. I am very frustrated with both of them. Kenapa ssh sangat manusia nak biarkan aku buat keputusan sendiri. Asal la dorg cam tak bole paham aku tak suka di paksa. Especially in this condition, where aku rasa aku nak be alone, and do watever i want. Nak tdo ke, makan ke, mati ke. I am so frustrated. One is gile2 babs giving all the attention, while the other one craving for attention. Damm.

Bukan aku tak kasihan. Tapi siapa yang kasihan kan aku? Aku yang terlalu letih dengan kerja sehinggakan tiada masa untuk beremosi. Aku hanya inginkan masa untuk diri aku. Tolongla faham yang aku penat. Too exhausted to think about the personal matters that keep burdening me without reasons. Sometimes i felt like i want to scream so that they will stop tailing me.

Penat dengan kerja, dengan isu di ofis, isu di rumah, di tambah perisa dengan pergaduhan tak bermotif telah mengubah segalanya. Sememangnya aku tetap aku. Bila terlalu pressure semuanya akan lari. Kerana itula aku tidak suka di paksa. Pasti sumenye tak menjadi.

I'm hurt. Setiap perkataan yang di baca macam sebatang jarum yg menyucuk kulit, setiap maklumat yg diketahui mcm pisau terus ke hati... Macam vakum aku rasa. Menyedut semuanya ke dlm bekas, and stuck there sampaila ada org bukak. Tapi mungkin aku nyer da rosak Dia terus terbang di bawa angin. Gile bermadah aku harini.

Dan seperti vakum udara. Aku rasa sangat Kosong. Dan aku sgt pasti ttgnye.

I just want you to understand, that when i felt empty, it means its empty. Theres nothing you can do. And i just want you to understand.. I just need to sleep. I just need to rest.. I just need space and time.

But you will never understand. I knew.

Me turning 25..

Hell yeah.. in few weeks..aku akan berumur 25 tahun.. Waw..cam can never imagine that I'm getting older. Hehe. Damn.. let see.. what i've changed...

1) Hmm..there's a change in career. I got paid for what i demand for, and i'm getting stable day by day. Eventho management cam problem sikit, but as long as i got paid, and aku mmg minat lah buat event ni kan..so ok la... But, i'm thinking about looking for a stable company which have better benefits and have their S.O.P. So nanti takde la hadap mslh2 remeh temeh kan. Sume ada black and white.

2) I quote " OMG, you were so young before, now you've grown up and matured" hehe..kata kata klien aku yang paling first, (yakni 3 years ago) Khairul Faizi dari Perbadanan Putrajaya selepas bertemu semula di FB.

3) Semakin ramai yang takkan berani nak lawan cakap dengan aku sbb aku sentiasa ada alasan dan jawapan kepada semua soalan atau tentangan. So sudahnye, betulkan aje. Meaning, I am better in mempertahankan diri sendiri. No more stab from the bak case.

4) Aku da dapat title Ratu dari kawan kawan sekolah. Haha! Sebab apa, sebab aku diva paling low profile katanya! Tak tau la celah mana yang diva la tuh.

5) Saiz badan..ahaha..i lost 3 kg in 2 months..but gain again after 3 weeks i handled the GSA rehearsals. What can i say, everytime i bought them food i will get hungry too. Hahaha.. But now i'm trying to lose the KG again before my birthday.

6) Semakin penyabar, and wiser in making decisions and handling situations. There is no more cakar, no more shouting, i'm being more feminine.(sometimes lah). PMS pun da takde da dlm hidup aku. Aderla..but no more PMS yang mengarut2 tu.

7) My skin is getting better. I never really had skin problems, except for dry skin, jeragat, and blackheads. I'm using Olay Total Effects now, and aku sgt berpuas hati!! Now aku da boleh kuar rumah without makeup, well, kalau pegi dedekat je la. Haha. What become my concern is my hair, sejak buat GDA, asik berjemur dan berhujan, my hair is getting dryer. Gugur tu tak yah cakap la. I colored my hair red last month, and its increase the problems. Haha. Serve me! So now sebok buat treatment and pakai hairmask selalu. Tapi bulan depan da turun site for GDA balik...haish!!

8) Da semakin bersederhana. Kalau dulu, semua nak gempak, and i worked hard to achieve and have everything. But when i met Arep, he told me that sometimes Allah bagi ujian yang besar terhadap umatNya yang terlalu bercita-cita tinggi. Itu masanya bila aku cam tersedar..and aku start mengslowkan everything. Alhamdulillah, i got wat i want..eventho its not perfect, but ok la... hehe. All the branded thingies that i crave for, tolak tepi. More to realistik skrg.

9) My first asset.. a MYVI..finally!!! After a long wait.. but still no stocks so i have to wait for another month.. hehe. Next target.. is to own a house.. my own house!! yeah! Hopefully I can achieve it by another year.

10) Dah tak boleh telan liquor dah... bagus tak?? Tapi party tetap pegi. That is one way to get out from my system.

That is what i remember so far. There is no change in love story.. but i dont care. As long as it goes with the flow, and i will leave it to ALLAH for the best. I'm happy this way. I'm happy that after quarter decades, I'm still being the old me. Even better. I'm happy i'm making my parent proud, and I'm happy for everything that i owned with my own usaha and titik peluh. Hehe.

May ALLAH bless me. Amin.